The Daunting Fire
by CeriseTears
Summary: As Hitomi begins to come to terms with Sayaka's death, she starts to get an eerie feeling... almost as thought she were part of it. Combine that with her growing depression, and her mental state is not exactly stable. A story about how Hitomi comes to find the world of Magical Girls, and her battle with her growing depression. AU. Triggers later on.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

It was a sunny October day, and Hitomi was sitting on a bench eating a sandwich, which was surprising.

Not that it was a sunny day, of course, for it was usually a sunny day in Mitakihara, which really pleased Hitomi. What was surprising was that Hitomi was eating a sandwich.

Hitomi didn't really like sandwiches, as she had always felt that they were a little dry, and hard to swallow. But, nevertheless, here she was, on a park bench, eating a sandwich.

Maybe she was eating a sandwich as a change of pace, or a breather. It was a simple breather, and maybe a little unorthodox, but Hitomi had her reasons for needing a stress reliever. She probably figured that she could distract herself from one pain with another.

It was about a week after Sayaka had died unexpectedly. Hitomi had remembered walking up to Madoka and asking her why she was crying. Madoka hadn't responded for a while, and Hitomi was starting to get that "third wheel" feeling that she had been getting more and more often lately.

But eventually through her sniffles, Madoka had looked at Hitomi and said, voice cracking, "She's dead. Sayaka... she's..."

Madoka hadn't finished that last sentence, bursting into tears once more, but Hitomi didn't need her to finish. Hitomi had sat down hard, not feeling the pain of the rock making hard contact with her rump. She had stared at the ground, eyes wide, denying it, it was just a joke, it must have been, any minute now Sayaka was going to pop out and surprise them.

But the time went by, and there was no Sayaka. Madoka was still crying. And slowly, but growing more and more, like a broken dam, Hitomi had started to cry too. And for a while they had just sat there and wept, wept for their friend too soon gone.

But Hitomi had remembered being confused too, for people do not simply just die. You do not walk into your house and have your family simply missing, as though they never existed, with only the tears of others to confirm their past existence. There must have been a cause, and Hitomi remembered asking Madoka about it in between crying fits.

But Madoka had not responded to Hitomi's anguish, and the question of "how" only seemed to make Madoka even more upset, to where it made Hitomi even more upset, until Hitomi pushed the question out of her mind for grief.

Hitomi had run to Kyosuke for comfort, to have him embrace her, take her away from her troubles. But he had been in the same shell-shocked state as Madoka, crying without end, only he had fewer answers than she did to what had happened, whereas Madoka seemed to have been hiding something.

_Maybe they had a lover's quarrel and it got out of hand?_

_Oh no, I bet that's what happened! Madoka won't tell me because she doesn't want me to get jealous! But, wouldn't that mean-_

_No, no. Madoka wouldn't kill Sayaka; they're best friends._

_So, then what?_

Hitomi chewed hard, grinding her teeth together, trying to force herself not to think about the whole thing, and how sudden it had been.

But had it been sudden? Hitomi remembered Madoka being flustered on one of the walks to school, as unresponsive and shell-shocked as Hitomi was now. When Hitomi had asked where Sayaka was, Madoka had said, with eyes averted, that Sayaka wasn't feeling well.

_Maybe... Maybe she's been dead for weeks!_

But why did Hitomi not figure out about the death until now? Was she really so unimportant that she couldn't even be bothered with her friend's deaths?

Hitomi shook her head slightly, picking a piece of lettuce out of her teeth. She dropped it in the grass behind the bench. Littering, yes. But maybe a less fortunate animal would see it as gratitude. Hitomi hoped so, anyways.

_Sayaka would have done the same. She was always so generous._

Sayaka's funeral had been horrible; a party without cake, a feast without food, a book without words. Empty, but for the sounds of silent weeping as everyone avoided eye contact for fear of the "I remember when..." speeches, those that bring back beautiful memories as sharp as a dagger. Those memories that everyone has, but are too afraid to put into words, for to put them into words would be to put Sayaka into words, and that would bring her back, but only in mind, and only to be cried over even more, until the memories are gone and all that's left is an empty wine glass and a broken heart.

Hitomi and Madoka had just sat in a corner and cried together, but was it really together? Can you truly cry with someone who doesn't tell you why their crying, why everyone's crying, who only tells you that they're crying, and you should too? Can you?

Hitomi sure as heck didn't know, and frankly, didn't think she would ever find out. She could really only just sit here, a dryness in her mouth, hand, and mind.

Hitomi took another bite. Approximately two more to go. She glanced around, and swallowed.

Hitomi still didn't know why she wasn't crying now, why she wasn't bawling her eyes out some more. She certainly had last night, getting no sleep for her cascading eyes, wailing madly into the night. Her family hadn't come to stop her, and had just left, an action that most would deem rude, but Hitomi was grateful for. They didn't need to be bothered by a third wheel like her.

A bite. One more.

As Hitomi chewed, she wondered if Kyosuke was feeling better. He hadn't gone to the funeral yesterday, apparently choosing to do his moping surrounded by the comfort of the walls. Maybe he would be able to talk to her now, they could discuss something they could do to make sure that she didn't die unforgotten. A memorial, maybe.

Hitomi swallowed, and put the rest of the sandwich into her mouth. It felt almost relieving, to be done with this "breather". It hadn't distracted her from the problem at all, and had only served to remind herself of how much she hated sandwiches.

Hitomi chewed a bit, swallowed, and stood up. After she had picked up her handbag, she turned around to see if the piece of lettuce she dropped earlier was still there.

It was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Hitomi reached the door of Kyosuke's house silently, not wanting to let his family know she was here. She wanted time to think for a little bit at the moment, to figure out why she was there.

Truth be told, standing on Kyosuke's front porch, Hitomi didn't really know why she had come there. He was probably still grieving about Sayaka's death, and Hitomi couldn't blame him. She could feel tears threatening to leak out, and she blinked them back ferociously.

Hitomi turned around for a second, trying to force her feet to go home, where she could mope alone some more. She could be with herself and honestly come to terms with Sayaka's death. She could talk to Kyosuke tomorrow.

It would all be okay.

But Hitomi turned around again at the end of the driveway to glance at her boyfriend's house, and saw Kyosuke at the window of the second floor of the house, looking down at her. She couldn't tell for certain, since Kyosuke was a bit of a distance away, but she thought that he looked concerned. He waved at her, however, and she waved back, plastering a smile onto her face.

_I guess it would be rude, not to go in now._

Hitomi walked back up to the front door of the house and rang the doorbell solemnly, not having to wait long before the familiar rolling of a wheelchair awaited her ears. She blinked, and the door opened, revealing Kyosuke, gorgeous as usual.

"Hi, Hitomi! Come in!"

An expression of surprise crossed Hitomi's face as she stepped in, Kyosuke closing the door behind her. Kyosuke shouldn't be this cheerful, with one of their best friends recently dead.

_Maybe he's trying to make me feel comfortable. _

Hitomi smiled sadly.

_How sweet._

Hitomi took off her shoes, and grasped the back of Kyosuke's wheelchair. "Where to, mister?" 

Kyosuke looked back at her, and grinned, but there was little emotion in it. It was not so much a grin as it was the shaping of the facial muscles to resemble a grin. There was no feeling behind it, and in that instance, Hitomi knew that he was only trying to be cheerful for her sake. He knew how she felt.

Kyosuke frowned. "Hitomi? You okay?"

It was the wrong thing to say.

_No, you idiot, of course I'm not okay. And you damn well know it!_

She didn't have to say the words she was thinking however, as Kyosuke's face lost all disguise of cheer, becoming a face of horror as he tried to reach behind himself and cup her face in his hands. "Hitomi, I'm sorry, I was trying to get you to cheer up. I-"

Kyosuke stopped talking and just sat there for a second, watching Hitomi as she didn't move, head low, eyes dripping. He quickly spun his wheelchair around and reached out to Hitomi, hugging her awkwardly as she started to cry. Hitomi noticed, and while a small part of her took pleasure in the fact that Kyosuke was holding her, a large part of her resented that it seemed like Kyosuke had almost forgotten about Sayaka, about how much joy she brought to everything.

Like he didn't care.

_But he does care. Doesn't he?_

Kyosuke moved as though to go to his room, and beckoned Hitomi to come with him. "Come on. There's no need to stand in the doorway. "

Hitomi nodded, following Kyosuke up the ramp made for his wheelchair, tears following her up to his room.

Kyosuke opened the door to his room, and they both winced slightly at the squeaking sound it made. "I really need to get this door oiled." Kyosuke laughed slightly, trying to ease the situation, the tension.

But it was no use, and the door squeaked once more as the two entered the room and shut the door.

Hitomi sat on the bed, and instantly her head fell into her lap, hair flying everywhere, bawling. She felt awful, for why had she not cried this afternoon? She was all alone on that park bench, nobody in sight, why couldn't she just cry then? Moisten the dryness with salty tears, give meaning to what was meaningless, worthless, lifeless.

Hopeless.

Kyosuke came over and hugged her as she cried, and for a while they just sat there, Hitomi crying and Kyosuke holding. Night came, and though Hitomi was one crying, she was still shaking, shaking in Kyosuke's warm arms, his comforting arms, his healed arms.

And for the first time, Hitomi was angry at Kyosuke, angry at him forgetting about Sayaka, about him not going to the funeral to pay tribute to the girl who died, who died to young, for whatever reason.

Why wasn't he crying? Didn't he care? Was he so lovestruck for her that he had no emotion for anyone else? Where was his empathy?

_He probably hadn't cried at all for her. He probably didn't go because he didn't care about her._

But Hitomi abandoned that thought, for it couldn't be true, but anger pushed her barricade away.

_I'm the third wheel again._

Hitomi was starting to realize that even when there were two, she was the third. Kyosuke already had two big wheels on his chair, he didn't need another. He had enough support, she was just an inhibitor to him, something he had to direct his attention to. She didn't matter to him, no matter how much she loved him.

Kyosuke kissed Hitomi's forehead softly, causing a warm sensation to flow throughout her whole body.

"My parents aren't home tonight, so you could stay for dinner. If, you know, you wanted to."

_Dinner?_

Hitomi sat up and wiped her eyes. Her nose was running and there was snot all over her face, prompting Kyosuke to quickly reach back and grab a tissue, dabbing the mucus off of her lovely cheeks. Hitomi just sat there in response, not moving, just thinking.

Finally, Hitomi spoke, although it was so quiet that Kyosuke had to bring his wheelchair closer to hear. "I-I-I don't think so. My parents might get a little concerned."

Kyosuke looked sad, but he nodded. There was a silence between them for a little bit, before Kyosuke finally spoke.

"I'm really sorry for asking you... Asking you what was wrong. I was ignorant, and I apologize."

Hitomi nodded, not fully taking in his words.

"You know, Sayaka was-"

"Don't!" Hitomi raised her hand quickly, almost smacking him in the face. "Wait until tomorrow. I can't right now. I-"

She didn't finish her sentence, dashing out of the room. Kyosuke made no attempt to follow her, instead watching sadly as she left. Eventually, he heard a door slam downstairs, and knew that she was gone.

_Poor Hitomi. _

Kyosuke sniffled a little, and threw the tissue he used to wipe Hitomi's face into the trash can. It bounced off of the contents.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Madoka was pacing back and forth in her room, her shoes making odd clacking noises on the floorboards. She wasn't crying; she had already exhausted all of her tears at the funeral. Now she was just grieving without sounds, trying not to forget any memories of Sayaka, to maybe pretend, even for a brief moment, that Sayaka still existed, as a person.

Kyuubey was on top of the dresser, staring at Madoka as she weeped. Had Kyuubey been able to feel or express emotion, he would be confused as to why Madoka was still crying, as it had been weeks since Sayaka's death. As it were, however, Kyuubey was simply stoic in form, waiting for whatever.

Eventually, Madoka spoke. "Well, what now? What are we supposed to do?"

Kyuubey tilted his head, miming confusion. "About?" 

"About Sayaka! We can't just go on like nothing happened! If witches show up, we won't be able to stop them! They'll take down the whole city!"

Kyuubey jumped down from the dresser. "Well, I guess that we'll have to work with another magical girl. Help them out, instead of Sayaka."

Madoka glared at him. "We?"

"Yes, we. I see no reason why you don't make your compact now, as you could potentially bring Sayaka back."

"That's what you said to Kyoko! You said that there was a way to save Sayaka! And look where it got us!"

"That was not my fault, as I didn't try to 'save' Sayaka. Kyoko of all people should have realized that it is impossible to turn magical girls back into magical girls from witches."

"But you encouraged her! You said that there was a chance, that-"

"I said no such thing. I simply said that I did not know of a way to turn witches who were once magical girls back into what they formerly were. I still do not, and the situation is certainly not convincing me otherwise. The important thing is that we focus on-"

Madoka sat down on the bed hard, causing puppets that were laying upon it to tumble to the ground. "You're saying 'we' again! I'm not going to deal with this anymore! I've already lost my best friends because of you! I'm not taking your stupid compact!"

Kyuubey tilted his head slightly. "Because of me? I did not force Sayaka to not purify her Soul Gem. I didn't exert power over her in order to make her become a magical girl. And I most certainly did not turn her into a witch. Honestly, I can hardly see why I'm the one at fault here. Death happens. That's the risk one takes when becoming a magical girl, and a risk that Sayaka was very well aware of-"

"Don't make me kill you again, lemur."

Madoka jumped, and spun around. Sitting on her windowsill was Homura, twirling her hair absentmindedly. She had her usual air of elevation about her, and did not smile as she dropped from the window into Madoka's room.

If Kyuubey could have, he would have smirked. "You know that I have multiple bodies Homura. You can't kill me. You've tried before."

Homura stared right into Kyuubey's eyes, her face twisted into a glare that would have sent Kyuubey running if he could feel fear.

"Then I'll stuff you in a safe and throw you to the bottom of the Pacific, where you'll stay forever without cursing anyone else with delusions of grandeur. You know perfectly well that Sayaka didn't know at all what she was getting into, and thought that being a magical girl would be like being Sailor Moon, with happiness and adventures all around, while she kicks some ass and is revered as a hero. So I'd shut up if I were you." 

Kyuubey said nothing, and for a while the only sounds in the room were those of Madoka crying.

After a short while, Homura eventually spoke. "Well, I figure I should tell you why the heck I'm here."

Kyuubey stared at her in the creepy way that only Kyuubey could. "Please do." 

"Well, there's a Grief Seed on Hitomi's front lawn that's about to hatch, and I figured that Madoka wouldn't want to lose another friend in so short of a time to practically the same thing."

Madoka glanced up, eyes red, taken aback. "A Grief Seed?"

"Yeah. So you could either help me in case I get injured saving your friend, or she could die as we complain about how life just isn't fair. Your choice."

"Are we bringing Kyuubey?"

Homura looked at Kyuubey as though he were roadkill on the street. "I suppose so. We can use him for bait if we have to."

/

The three of them reached Hitomi's house in no time with the help of Homura's Time Magic. Upon arrival, they noticed that there was no Grief Seed to be seen, and all seemed somewhat normal. However, there was an unmistakable hum in the air that seemed to suggest that all was not indeed well.

Homura frowned, and pulled out her Soul Gem, which was glowing profusely. "It appears that the Seed has already birthed a witch," she said ominously. "We should go in right now." Without waiting for a reply, she materialized the door to the Labyrinth, jumping in straight away. Madoka, shivering slightly, picked up Kyuubey and jumped into the portal as well, the magical doorway closing behind her.

As per usual, the Labyrinth itself seemed to be something plucked out of an LSD trip. The walls were crimson and black, and slanted every which way possible, and converging and separating at seeming the same points.

It was raining in the Labyrinth, but the rain was rather odd. It was not rain that was coming down, but tiny arrows that stung ever so slightly when they touched your skin. Madoka jumped when they started hitting her, but Homura just walked on. "The arrows won't hurt you," she said, "but I would rather be out of this place sooner than later."

Madoka could see why. All around there were deformed frogs, black and orange frogs whose tongues were gigantic, ranging from ten to twenty feet long. The frogs weren't even bothering to put their own tongues into their mouths, choosing instead to leave them draped all over their bodies. As Homura, Madoka, and Kyuubey passed them, the frogs simply blinked and twitched sadly.

As the trio walked on, the rain transformed from arrows to salty tears, coming down heavier and making the trek downright awful. Madoka shivered as she clutched Kyuubey close, while Homura seemed unfazed by the deluge that was upon them.

Madoka glanced back, and screamed. The frogs from earlier were following them, about two or three crawling directly behind them. Homura heard the scream and without looking threw two homemade grenades behind her. The frogs exploded into poofs of water, and suddenly the rain changed again. It was no longer salty, but blood. Hot, thick blood that fell from the 'sky' and stuck to clothing and hair like glue. Within a matter of seconds, Kyuubey looked like the son of the devil, and Homura could have easily been mistaken for Kyoko, minus the fact that she didn't have food with her.

Eventually, the three of them reached a large basin full of water. It was approximately 100 feet in diameter, and the 'water' inside of it certainly did not look like water. It looked almost alive; currents moving next to each other in opposite directions, ripples appearing randomly and for no reason.

Suddenly, a sticky sound came from above, and Homura looked up. Attached to ceiling were frogs like the ones that they had run into on the way his chamber, apparently dormant, tongues sticking to the ceiling and walls. They appeared harmless, but Homura knew that they wouldn't be harmless for long. She transformed into her magical form, and prepared for battle.

Madoka started quivering. "Are-Are we going to have to go in the water?"

Homura shook her head. "No. We just have to wait for-"

_Madoka..._

A girl's voice came wafting through the chamber, that sounded eerily like Sayaka's. Madoka jumped, spinning around in search of the noise.

_Madoka... Madoka, is that you..._

The center of the pool started to bubble, and Homura readied herself to battle whatever this witch would manifest themselves as.

_Madoka... Homura...It's you guys..._

The bubbling increased more and more, and the frogs form earlier began dropping down from the ceiling. Before they could attack, however, they exploded. Homura had thrown grenades and blown them all up within a matter if seconds. Although Madoka had seen this many times before, it had never ceased to amaze her.

_Guys... Guys, it's me..._

The voice came again, this time clearly from the water, and as Madoka and Homura turned to the basin, they could clearly see what the witch had manifested itself as.

Sayaka.

But it was not Sayaka. Her eyes were completely black, and her normally blue and flowing hair was in tangles all around her. She was naked, and all around her body were scars saying various things like "Why?" or " It's all okay...". She had a crooked knife in her hand, and there were scarlet tears glistening in her eyes, flowing down her body.

Madoka gasped and ran to Homura, trying to pull her back. "Homura, don't kill her! It's Sayaka!"

Homura was staring at the witch, oblivious to Madoka's tugging. "Are you kidding? That's a witch! Sayaka's dead!"

But even Homura didn't sound confident, and her voice wavered as she stared at the 'Sayaka' in their midst.

_Don't you remember me...Sayaka..._

_No..._

The rain turned into tiny knives, and as the trio jumped under a random tree branch for cover, they could see the knives piercing the witch's skin, reopening cuts, causing blood to follow towards them.

_You don't care..._

Homura suddenly had a grenade in her hand. "Madoka, I need you to distract it, so that-"

"That's not an 'it'. That's a she!"

"Madoka! That witch is taking the form of Sayaka to make you do this! It's reading your mind!"

"No!"

_That's okay... Kyosuke didn't care either..._

_I gave him life... I saved him..._

_And nothing..._

The witch raised the knife crudely, her arm spasming about. As it did so, the rain of knives froze as though time had stopped, and pointed towards Homura and Madoka.

_Madoka... You care... Right?_

Madoka, in a trance, dropped Kyuubey and ran across the growing sea of blood in a trance, not noticing the yells to stop from Homura, not caring about the cuts of the bladed rain, not caring about the knife in 'Sayaka's" hand, rising higher and higher the closer Madoka got. Madoka only cared that here was her friend, miraculously revived from the dead, smiling wide, here to greet her, to-

And then the witches body exploded. Its body collapsed as Homura stood far away from the explosion that she had just caused. Madoka flinched at the explosion, collapsing onto the ground and crouching in the fetal position as shards of who-knows-what fell everywhere.

And then the rain began to slow and change, becoming a balm that was washing away the blood in Madoka's hair, healing her cuts, bringing her body temperature back to normal.

Homura walked up to Madoka and reached out a hand to help her up. "Thanks for the distraction."

Madoka sat up, but didn't take Homura's hand, staring in shock at where the witch's, where 'Sayaka's' head used to be. "No... No..."

Homura tilted her head. "Madoka, that wasn't Sayaka. That was a witch. We defeated it. See?" She held up the Grief Seed that had been dropped by the witch, forcing it into Madoka's line of vision.

Kyuubey jumped onto Madoka's shoulder, which was shaking considerably. "Sayaka isn't coming back, Madoka. That was a witch,

The Labyrinth was collapsing now, blackened walls fading into mailboxes and parked cars, rain turning to cold nighttime air, the pool expanding into Hitomi's house.

Madoka brushed Kyuubey off of her shoulder and got up, her short, pink hair obscuring her face. "I need to see Hitomi.

Homura started to speak. "Um-"

Madoka ran into Hitomi's house, not paying attention to Homura in any way. As Homura and Kyuubey watched her leave, Kyuubey looked up at Homura. 

"We stopped the witch. I really don't understand her problem."

Homura grimaced. "Of course you don't, you alien."

A scream came from inside the house that Madoka had just entered.

Kyuubey blinked. "She seems rather upset."

Homura didn't move, an expression of worry captivating her face. "Shut up, Kyuubey," she said as she ran into the house. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

As Hitomi lay in her bed, tossing and turning like the leaves outside, she couldn't help but wonder why it was so cold.

She had turned up the thermostat as high as she was permitted to, and had a bazillion covers on her bed, and yet she was still freezing as though it were December.

_This isn't normal. I shouldn't be like this!_

It was the same night that she had fled Kyosuke's house, tears trailing behind her. She didn't know if she was mad at him or not, but she knew that it wouldn't be any good for either of them if she were to talk. They were both dealing with too much crap right now.

Hitomi's parents had a meeting they needed to go to, and said that they wouldn't be back until morning. Hitomi hadn't really cared much, as she was thinking that she would go to bed early. She didn't plan on the temperature being so cold that she couldn't get comfortable at all.

Hitomi shivered again, sniffling as she did so. The covers suddenly felt like an iron weight, a feeling that was neither pleasurable nor desirable. A weird feeling of hopelessness rushed through Hitomi, and for a split second she had never felt so alone in her life.

_Never mind that. I need sleep._

_But these sheets are so heavy!_

As Hitomi squirmed to get comfortable, her feet accidentally poked out from under the covers, causing a sudden chill to go through her legs.

_Dammit, I have to do something!_

Hitomi rolled herself out of her bed to a standing position, her covers grouping around her like a bulky wedding gown.

_Ah! Cold!_

The floor was freezing, and Hitomi lept back onto her bed in panic. She reached for her dresser, which was at the end of the bed, and grabbed some white socks. Once they were on, Hitomi pushed herself onto the floor again.

_Better._

_Brrr._

Bunching her covers close to her, Hitomi dragged herself downstairs to the living room, where a slight humming could be heard throughout the room. Hitomi looked around for the source of the noise and noticed the fireplace in the wall, where glowing embers were the culprit of the noise.

_A fire! That'll help._

Hitomi grabbed some logs from beside the fireplace and fed them in until a roaring fire blazed in front of her. Hitomi nodded and sat down on the floor with her blankets still bunched around her. Hitomi then took off her socks and extended her feet towards the fireplace. Pretty soon, she could feel her legs warming up to where they felt rather nice.

_Ahhh. That feels much better._

But now that Sayaka wasn't sleeping, and definitely couldn't fall asleep in front of the fireplace, she could only focus on Sayaka and her passing.

Hitomi sniffled as she stared into the fire, trying to make out something that could distract her, something that could assuage her grief, her agony at a friend's death.

Hitomi didn't understand why she was still upset. It had been a week, she should have at least stopped crying. It was impossible for any human to have this much water in their system, right?

Hitomi sighed. She knew that it wasn't Sayaka's death that was bothering her so. Well, it was, but there was something more, something that Hitomi was determined to get to the bottom of.

_Why didn't Madoka tell me?_

Hitomi was sure that Madoka knew what was happening with Sayaka before she did, and Hitomi highly suspected that Sayaka hadn't been dead for only a week. But all that Madoka had told her was that Sayaka had died. And that was all.

Did Madoka hate her? That question had definitely crossed Hitomi's mind a couple of times. After all, Madoka would never hang out with her, always choosing to go to the electronics store with Sayaka instead. And whenever Hitomi would give advice to Madoka and Sayaka, Madoka would always get flustered, and act annoyed towards Hitomi.

_But what did I do? I don't think I did anything wrong!_

_Why me?_

"Ouch!"

Hitomi had moved her feet closer to the fireplace to try and get more comfortable, and in the process had accidentally pushed her feet so that they were grazing the fire. Hitomi reeled her feet back quickly, and closed the grate to the fireplace. Taking a look at her feet, Hitomi noticed slight burn marks at the end, and upon touch they immediately flared up in pain.

_Ow ow ow ow._

Hitomi started to stand up, but the burden of holding the body up was too much for Hitomi charred feet to handle, and she quickly toppled back down. Luckily, she fell into her blankets, so she wasn't hurt even more.

Grimacing, Hitomi crawled her way into the kitchen, grabbing a bucket and filling it with cold water. It was a bit awkward to pour, as although Hitomi was rather tall, she couldn't see what she was doing very well as she couldn't stand up. However, she eventually managed with the help of a stand that little kids will use to reach the sink. Pushing her basin of water back to the living room, Hitomi crawled until she was back in front of the fireplace. She grabbed a chair and forced herself into it, soaking her feet in the water.

That was better.

But as Hitomi was finally beginning to get comfortable, she realized something.

During that whole 'crisis', as it were, she hadn't once worried about the situation at hand.

Maybe that was it.

It wasn't just being uncomfortable that would cause her to not grieve, it was being in pain, suffering for Sayaka that would cause her to move on.

_For Sayaka._

The fire slowly getting dimmer and dimmer, but Sayaka took little notice as she crawled to the kitchen again, and propped herself up on a chair. She got up onto the chair with slight difficulty, and started rummaging around in the cupboards for matches.

She would use them to keep the fire alive.

That was her excuse, anyways.

When she found the matches, she closed the door to the cupboard solemnly and crawled back to her chair in the living room. She made no move to relight the dying fireplace, and took no note of her body getting colder and colder.

She simply picked up a match.

And struck it.

_No!_

Hitomi, in some far-off part off her brain, knew that this was absurd. Hurting herself for Sayaka to avoid weeping?

_Crazy._

_But..._

But the fire at the end of the stick in Hitomi's hand seemed to want to touch her fair, white skin, to leave it's mark on a world that was quickly dissipating for it. Why else would it be dancing toward her finger so seductively, eating up the stick upon which had been its home? It only wanted safety, wanted freedom.

_So we aren't so different._

Hitomi shook the match out, watching as the flames dispersed into faint glowing embers centimeters from her skin.

_If only it were that easy._

She struck another match, and gulped.

_But I can try._

_For Sayaka._

Hitomi, arm shaking, brought the flaming match down to her forearm, wincing as it bushed at the skin, frying the delicate hairs on the surface.

_For Sayaka._

_Right?_

Hitomi's arm wavered, if ever so slightly.

_No. No. I don't want to do this. I'm going to put my match down. I'm going to put the rest of these matches away. And then I'm going to go to bed. _

But as Hitomi hesitated, lost in thought, a shiver vibrated through her body, causing her to unintentionally sear her arm with the flaming match. Hitomi almost yelled, but instead quickly pulled the match away from her skin. And, like on her feet, there was a burn mark. Not as large or as prominent as the ones on her feet, but it was certainly there. And Hitomi had just forgotten, once again, about Sayaka.

_No! I can't forget about Sayaka!_

Hitomi brought the match to her skin again, and the pain washed over her once more, not feeling like pain but a memorial. A remembrance torment, a way to cope, no matter the price.

And unlike Kyosuke, Hitomi wasn't forgetting about Sayaka. With each match strike, she burned Sayaka into her skin, her tears dampening the burn and her hand refreshing it.

**Boom.**

As Hitomi was bringing the match to her skin again, the door crashed open and someone came running into the house. Lost in pain and memory, Hitomi didn't take any notice as in a panic she brought the flame to her skin again and again and again.

And then there were hands wrenching the match out of her hands, and Hitomi could see the fire being extinguished under someone's shoe, could feel her blankets flying everywhere as she was tackled to the ground from her chair, could hear screaming as another person rushed into the house. But blinded by tears, Hitomi took no notice as she screamed back, a call for help, for someone, for anyone.

"Sh! Quiet!"

A hand clamped over Hitomi's mouth, and Hitomi gasped silently as she realized that the owner of the hand was almost in tears, gazing at her in pure horror. And as Hitomi gazed back at Madoka, who was shivering so much that Hitomi could feel it rattling her lips, Hitomi could only wonder why Homura was there also, stoic expression on her face that was clearly hiding something.

_What are they doing here?_

Hitomi reached up and forcefully took Madoka's hand off of her mouth. "Madoka, what's going on? Why are you in my house?"

Madoka frowned. "Why am I in your house? More importantly, why are you trying to burn youself!"

"I wasn't-"

"Really? Really? Then why are there burn marks on your arm! Were you too close to the extinguished fire?!"

"I-I-I don't-"

"You don't what?! What?!" 

Homura put a firm hand on Madoka's shoulder. "Madoka, calm-"

"Calm?! No! I already lost Sayaka, I'm not losing Hitomi to-"

"Madoka. Let me say something to you. Privately."

Madoka seethed, her eyes twinkling with tears. She turned to Homura forcefully, and whispered, "What?"

Homura frowned. "I think that the witch was trying to make her take her life. You'll notice that she's fine now., and is quite ticked that you entered her houe without knocking or anything. She probably doesn't remember anything from the last few hours."

"But-"

"But nothing. I doesn't do us any good to yell at her about things that she doesn't remember,MAdoka. It's practically two in the morning, we should get some rest. All of us."

Homura turned and walked over to Hitomi, offering a sad little smile. "I'm sorry that this happened. Madoka's been grieving a lot recently, and was worried about you."

Hitomi frowned.

_As if she's the only one._

Homura grabbed Hitomi by the arm. "Well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Hitomi."

"Good night!"

And then, with the slam of a door, Madoka and Homura were gone.

_Did Homura just say that Madoka cared about me?_

Hitomi shook her head, and gathered up the blankets on the floor.

_No. I must have been just delusional._

Hitomi started to head upstairs, but was stopped by a crunching at her feet. A look downwards revealed that the matches must have flown everywhere when Madoka had tackled Hitomi, and Hitomi had just stepped on one. Hitomi sighed, and bent down to pick up the two pieces. Hitomi then got on all fours, and picked up the rest of the matches around the room. She then put the matches back into their box, put the box back into the cupboard, and shut off the lights in the living room.

_Time for bed._

Hoisting the blankets around her, Hitomi lugged them all onto her bed.

_I should probably make the bed before I get into it._

But, too tired to even follow this thought, Hitomi collapsed onto the floor and fell dead asleep, not even noticing how cold she was at the moment.

Her dreams were filled with fire.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Hitomi. Hitomi, wake up."

A familiar voice was poking its way into Hitomi's unconscious field of hearing. Hitomi moaned, and turned over in her bed.

_Hm?_

Hitomi's eyelids fluttered slightly as she realized that she was laying down in her bed, which was apparently made. There were more covers on it than last night, and as Hitomi sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly, she realized that she actually felt somewhat comfortable. Her eyes focused in the light and gazed upon her mom standing over her, wearing a pink bathrobe. Her thick brown hair was wet and astray, and she looked slightly flustered.

"Thank goodness, you're awake. You must have fallen out of your bed last night, since when your father came in to check on you, you were shivering on the floor with no covers on!"

_Oops._

Hitomi smiled weakly. "R-Really? I don't recall ever falling out of bed..."

It was the wrong thing to say. Hitomi's mom's eyes widened in horror as she grabbed Hitomi by the shoulders gently, but suddenly. "Hitomi, are you sure? You must have hit your head, you were shivering up a storm!" Hitomi's mom took her hand off of Hitomi's right shoulder and held up her index and middle fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up? What's your middle name?"

Hitomi rolled her eyes, and brushed her mother's other hand off of her shoulder. "Mom, I'm fine. It was... it was just really cold last night and I must have shivered myself out of my bed and onto the floor. I'm sure that's it." She smiled somewhat convincingly.

"Are you sure? You father said-"

"Mom."

Hitomi's mother frowned at this for a beat, before saying, "Well, whatever it is, you should get yourself some food. It's a school day, you know."

_Shoot!_

Hitomi's eyes widened in shock as her mom smiled. "You forgot, didn't you?"

"Y-Yeah, I guess." Hitomi stood up and walked to the door, her hand on the doorknob when she heard her mother's voice again.

"I'll go get some more blankets from the closet to put on your bed, okay? I don't want you to hurt yourself even more."

_Oh, the irony._

Hitomi smiled, walked back, and hugged her mom. "Okay."

Hitomi was just finishing her scrambled eggs when her mother came downstairs. She was wearing a black business uniform with black high heels and a bun in her hair. She walked with an air of pride that many rich people have, which made sense because Hitomi's family was rich. Very rich. Not servants-and-a-swimming-pool rich, but they had far more than enough to get by.

As Hitomi's mother was getting her purse, Hitomi got up and put her plate and glass in the sink. "Mom, aren't you going to eat something?"

"Nah. There are donuts and coffee at the office, I'll just have some of that." This wasn't unusual, as Hitomi's mom always felt that if she weren't at her office, something was going wrong there that she could fix.

"If you say so," Hitomi said, walking towards the staircase to her room.

"Hey, wait!"

Hitomi turned around and saw her mom with her hands on her hips, glaring at Hitomi humorously. "Aren't you going to let me kiss you before I leave?"

Hitomi grinned, and walked over to her mom, closing her eyes as her mom kissed her on the forehead.

"Now, you go get ready for school, okay? You're father's already gone, so I'm counting on you." Hitomi's mom winked at her daughter.

Hitomi nodded and smiled. "Got it!"

Her mom smiled, and waved as she opened the door and left. Waving back, Hitomi suddenly felt an odd wave of sadness come over her. She sighed as the door closed behind her mom, and turned around to trudge up the staircase to her room. Arriving, she glanced at the time. She had about an hour before school started.

_Why did Mom wake me up so early?_

_She honestly does worry about me too much._

_Whatever. I should probably take a shower._

Hitomi grabbed a towel from her closet and went into her bathroom. As she took off her clothes, she couldn't help put thik about what would happen when she got to school that day, in regards to Madoka. Madoka definitely wasn't the kind of girl that wouldn't forget things that quickly, but she didn't get mad either.

_Maybe she won't say anything and it'll all be normal._

_But she saw me burning myself! Couldn't she take me to a doctor or something?_

_No. Madoka is a friend. She wouldn't do that._

_But what if she did? What would happen?_

_Hitomi, c'mon. You're over thinking this. _

Hitomi frowned as she stepped into the shower, closing the door behind her and turning the water up as hot as it would go. Her parents always got upset because it made the entire upstairs really steamy, but Hitomi loved it when the water was boiling hot, as it made her feel clean. Plus, Hitomi knew that her parents didn't mind it too much.

"Ah! Ow! Ow!"

Hitomi screamed and fell back against the shower door, tumbling down as it opened and she fell onto the hard marble floor face-first. Her ankle felt almost broken, and she was seeing stars. Behind her, the shower kept on dispensing water, unaware of the lack of Hitomi's presence.

"Ow..."

Hitomi sat up as best she could and glanced at her arm. She had forgotten that she had burned it the night before, and the hot water hitting the burn marks had practically tripled the pain. Her arm was a bright scarlet now, and Hitomi winced as she moved her burnt feet out of the hot water as well.

"Ow! Ahh!"

But moving her feet only served to irritate her ankles even more, which meant that Hitomi had to physically rotate herself to move her feet out of the water. Once she had moved her feet to safety, Hitomi just sat there for a good minute, catching her breath and listening to the water cascade down.

_I guess no shower for me, huh._

_Ow._

Hitomi tried standing up, but the combination of a slippery floor and a bad ankle was too much and she went down again, this time catching herself with her hands to ease herself down first instead of simply having her face smash into the floor.

Hitomi grimaced, and almost burst into tears, but suddenly a voice ran through her head. Not Sayaka's voice, as Hitomi would have imagined it to be, but her own mother's.

_I'm counting on you._

Hitomi felt like screaming, but instead sighed. She had to get to school to prove that she wasn't depressed, to prove that she was mentally well enough to go to school. Madoka might see it as confirmation that Hitomi was inflicting self-harm on herself, and... and...

_What if she told my parents?_

That thought electrified Hitomi, and she sat up immediately, barely noticing the dagger of pain that sprung from her ankle.

"If she told my parents... I would... I..."

Hitomi already knew that her parents went through a lot. Her father worked a 24-hour job, and her mother barely saw her own daughter except in the mornings and at dinner. They were already dealing with their daughter's despair at losing her best friend, to figure out that Hitomi was burning herself too...

_No! I only did it once! That's it!_

But Hitomi's mother worried so much that Hitomi doubted that that would matter. Her mother would freak out and probably send Hitomi to a psychiatrist, a place where crazy people go. And Hitomi knew that she was a lot of things, but she definitely wasn't crazy.

_I can't let that happen._

Hitomi, determined by this thought, began the slow crawl to her room, silently happy that her parents were not home. It would be little awkward, Hitomi figured, if they saw her butt-naked, crawling around her room with burns on her arms and feet.

In the end, Hitomi was only two minutes late to school, as her ankle(which Hitomi was very sure was sprained) prevented her from dashing. Hitomi slumped into homeroom, taking her spot at the her desk rather quickly and almost collapsing into it. She rubbed her ankle in pain, unaware of the stares she had just drew.

Fortunately, the teacher hadn't heard her clumsy entrance, and was at the board talking about exponential functions with a drab look on her face. Hitomi sighed in relief, and reached down to take her math textbook out of her bag. Upon putting it upon her desk, however, she inadvertently made eye contact with Madoka, who had turned around in her desk directly in front of Hitomi. Hitomi gasped, for Madoka's eyes were extremely red, and what little makeup Madoka wore every day was streaked in places.

Hitomi whispered, "Uh, Madoka? Are you okay?"

Madoka ignored her question. "Meet me outside at lunch."

Hitomi frowned. "Um, I-"

"Do it." The fact that it wasn't a choice was made very evident in Madoka's steely voice. Without waiting for a response, she turned around to face the front again.

Hitomi sighed slightly, and opened her textbook.

_At lunch? _

_I hope she isn't mad._

Lunch approached very slowly for Hitomi, but when it did, Hitomi was pretty relieved. She already knew what the teacher was talking about, and had been pretty bored during the morning.

Not that she desperately wanted to talk to Madoka either. Due to Madoka's state when she had demanded that Hitomi meet her outside, Hitomi figured that Madoka didn't really want to talk about Hatsune Miku's latest song.

Sighing, Hitomi picked up her bag, and looked around to see if Madoka had left yet. Seeing as Madoka was nowhere in sight, Hitomi guessed that Madoka had rushed outside. Her guess was indeed correct, as when Hitomi walked out the front doors, she could see Madoka eating lunch under a large tree by the parking lot, where she usually sat when she, Sayaka, and Hitomi would eat outside.

_Shoot, I'm feeling sad again._

Hitomi braced herself, and walked across the grass to Madoka, wincing as her ankle shot out agony with every step. Hitomi almost collapsed onto the grass next to Madoka when she reached her. Hitomi sat down on Madoka's left, and took out her lunch. It wasn't anything special, only a hastily crafted sandwich, some carrots, and a thermos of water.

Madoka spoke up. "I thought you didn't like sandwiches."

"I don't, but I was in a hurry."

"Really? Why?"

"I, uh, slept in."

A pause. "I see."

They didn't speak for awhile after that, eating their food quietly and slowly. Hitomi grimaced slightly as she ate her sandwich, but fortunately it didn't look like Madoka noticed.

As Hitomi was finishing her carrots, Madoka spoke. "There was a suicide yesterday."

_What?_

Hitomi almost spit out her carrot. "Really?"

"Yeah. Someone named Rito apparently hung himself in his room." Madoka turned her head to look at Hitomi.

"The Rito... The one that lives across the street from me?"

Madoka nodded, and sighed. A gust of wind blew her pink hair slightly astray, and Hitomi noticed how downcast Madoka was. Her hair was darker, and she was slumping even more than usual, her eyes barely making eye contact.

_Wow._

Madoka spoke again, a crack in her voice. "His parents... His parents didn't understand why he did it, since he had so many friends. He was popular with the girls, and he got good grades. People always called him a 'gentleman'."

Hitomi nodded sadly. She hadn't really known Rito, she had heard about how nice he was to everyone no matter what. Hitomi looked up and noticed that Madoka looked like she was about to start crying.

"It just... It just makes you think about how important other people are to you, you know? But sometimes... Sometimes you can't tell them how much they mean to you, either because you're too cowardly, or too late, or..."

Madoka sniffled, and blinked ferociously. Hitomi wanted to put her arms around Madoka, to comfort her, but somehow, for some reason... her arms wouldn't move.

"I mean... I never told Sayaka how much I loved her. She was the best of friends, always cheerful, nothing ever got her down, and now she's gone..."

Madoka started crying, and Hitomi found her arms suddenly responsive, reaching out around Madoka, pulling her into Hitomi's chest. For a while, the two of them just sat there, Madoka crying into Hitomi's shirt and Hitomi trying to make sense of her feelings.

_No way..._

Madoka mumbled something, and Hitomi pulled Madoka up to face her. "What did you say?"

"Hitomi, promise you won't leave me, okay? You're the only one I have left..."

Hitomi frowned slightly in confusion. "Madoka, that's not true. You have your family, and-"

"Promise me, Hitomi. Please. I don't want to lose you like Sayaka."

_What?_

Hitomi smiled warmly. "Fine. I promise."

Madoka sniffled and nodded, reaching up to wipe her nose with her sleeve. Before her arm reached her nose, however, Hitomi's hand darted out and caught Madoka's sleeve. "I have napkins in my lunch-box if you want."

Madoka smiled happily, her eyes glittering. "Thanks."

As Madoka wiped her nose, Hitomi's face fell slightly.

_I just worry that you won't be losing me when I die. _

_Do you want me to watch her, Sayaka?_

_Why would you suggest such a thing, Homura? She just said that she's fine!_

_Is that a no?_

…

_Kyuubey says that she could be a magical girl too. Someone very powerful._

_Don't._

_Hm?_

_Don't you dare make her a magical girl, okay? I want her to know nothing._

_Madoka, I'm on your side, I'm just repeating-_

_Well, you can tell Kyuubey that he won't take anyone else's life with his idiotic schemes. I won't lose Hitomi, okay? I won't._

_You should tell him that, then. _

_You know, while he still hasn't done anything drastic. _


End file.
